I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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