i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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