It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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