i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
