you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
