Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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