Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
