Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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