Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
