ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
