your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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