Sponge bath it is.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
