So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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