dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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