Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
