I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
