my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
