the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
