Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
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no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
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Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
All I want is dick and wine.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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