Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Found the puke drawer
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Randomize
