My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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