Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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