I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
