Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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