and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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