Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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