either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
