told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
