My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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