i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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