My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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