He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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