I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
