So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
