Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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