Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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