Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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