How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
