i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
