I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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