I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
