Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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