i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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