Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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