If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize