Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
