My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
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Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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