So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
