break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
