I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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