coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
