life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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