We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
