I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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