I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
