"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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