i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
