WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
