oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
