I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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