your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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