if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
