you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
