Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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