Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
