I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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