one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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