Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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